Hi I’m Lauren and I’m an addict…
To be honest, considering my drinking story I was nearly a late bloomer on the drug scene..
I think I was around 15/16 when I smoked my first joint… orange bud 🍊(Apparently 🙄)
Now this, this was what I was waiting for, I fell in love with everything about weed.. It had me gripped..
I perfected rolling joints,
I nearly became a weed connoisseur at one point..
I was that annoying stoner that went on about the health benefits of weed, 🙋🏽
How it was natural and grew from the ground, bla bla bla 🙄😂
So I was in my first “real” relationship..
Im not going to go into detail about him for many reasons, main one being its over 10 years ago so I couldn’t care less about what was done to me but i will say this, we shared the same love and obsession for weed, and safe to say that relationship became toxic nice and quick…
My god, the collateral damage that followed..🙈
God love me, so young and so naive..
I don’t blame anyone for my life and I’m certainly not pointing fingers at anyone..
Also no names will ever be put out on here of anyone I discuss… I will either refer to you in this way or give you a false name..
I did in fact try and leave this all out but these are the facts and this is my story…
The reason I won’t go further into that part story is simply because he doesn’t deserve the space on this post maybe some day I might share a few chapters of it 😉.
I would like to publicly thank you for the introduction to drugs and supporting my drug habit for as long as you did, but I must also publicly apologise as it was me all those years ago that robbed all that weed and put you into the height of death, oooopppsss… 👀 I do suppose I was angry and extremely hurt by the constant cheating and lies you told me.. You should have kept it in your pants all those times, silly billy, you can’t go around breaking hearts like that and expect nothing in return..
Any who, no hard feelings darling,
We are both grown now and have thankfully moved on.. ☺️
So more importantly,
Back my drug story..
I spent the bones of two years with the one who shall not be named smoking weed, huge amounts daily, when that ended, I moved onto coke…
Imagine a drug that enables you to sober up while you drink, a revolution to me…
I was wired to the moon as it was so this stuff was like petrol to a flame.. I loved it!!!
I never betrayed my one and only though..
Weed for my breakfast, lunch, dinner and all my snacks,
In fact I became so immune to it, I needed it to function more or less right away!
I couldn’t go about my day without a joint to start! As far as I was concerned it made everything better…
So at the weekends, I had my drink and class A’s..
You see not only was coke that bit expensive for someone who wasn’t working, especially someone with the drug habits I had, it wasn’t as easy to get as let’s say E’s, tablets, speed, etc…
(Ecstasy, Valium, Amphetamine).
Speed also known as a poor mans coke, or what I called it, a bag of filth!
Another revolution to me…
To me there was no feeling quite like it, It kept me up for days partying…
I was invincible once again, more false confidence, but this was the one drug that made really suppressed my appetite.. Now looking back that was the pull and my love for speed,
I felt skinner,
I lost weight,
It gave me so much energy I burned off my excess fat,
it was every addicts dream especially an addict with, eating disorders…
This carried on into my later teens and just before I decided to leave for Australia,
I became homeless, now by choice mind you,
I had two beautiful homes but because of the extent of my addictions at that point My actions and behaviours were disgusting..
My pattern was this..
I would go missing for days sometimes weeks and come home on a come down, cause carnage, ask for more money throw a few more false promises their way and leave for another while.. That and I was so angry I fought with them all so they didn’t exactly ask for me to come home either, can’t say I blame them…
I lived in hotels for a bit until the money got tighter, So I moved to peoples houses, flats, I slept in cars, it got to a stage of Robbing, you name it we robbed it, diesel, vans, farms, gardens, houses..
The fact I’m even writing this makes me feel sick and I’m ashamed of my life to even write this but sure we had to fund the whole thing, and desperate times called for desperate measures the lifestyle was chaotic and filthy..
A part of me though (Lucifer), found it exciting and wanted to see how far she could go with it all, it then just became a part of life, (the abnormal became normal)..
Of course then, The law became a big part in it,
I was set up with the guards a few times. I was Arrested, strip searched, one of my houses raided, a car got taken off us and all my belongings were in the boot which I never got back, a lot of illegal carry on that I won’t talk about any further as there is no need and I can’t, but there is an idea of the lifestyle I was living before going off to Australia…
I actually get the shivers when I think of it.. What a horrible existence, pure and utter filth in fact…
To think then, I thought my situation was going to improve by moving away, 🙈
It escalated nice and quick on the drug scene over there, you name it, I tried it and 9 times out of 10 I loved it!!
As I said in my drinking story, I got a job that enabled me to use and drink to a whole new level, one of the places I worked was run on coke in fact, so that was nearly a nightly affair along with my whisky..
I was shall we say “experimenting” with drugs at this time…
I couldn’t get enough of them, Acid, Liquid Mdma, Crystal Meth, Crack Cocaine, Ice ,etc..
I knew myself I hit a low point putting my lips around a Crack Pipe,
I suppose it was like for me going from smoking heroin to injecting it, I knew I stepped over the invisible line…
I never touched gear (heroin) luckily though,
I think deep down I knew if I went down that road there was no coming back for me!!!
As it was I was in big trouble…
For a good solid 6 years of my life there was never nothing in my system…
As I said in my previous post I was weaving in and out of a drug induced psychosis,
I’ll explain that in another post later on, but the damage I did to my brain, my body and myself and other people in those short few years is frightening..
I was a broken soul, so fragile and so damaged, once again a lost little girl in a world of confusion and pain…
By the end of it, I couldn’t even make eye contact with people not to mind try and hold a conversation, after arriving home from Australia if I spoke to you, be quite assured I was still using, either tablets, weed, drink whatever…
Just like my drink story I will have to save it till another post because my journey into recovery is another long painful road I had to trudge…
So until then I would just like to leave you with this simple thought…
I had recently given a talk in a school regarding my drinking and using,
It was for children going into secondary school, who were deciding whether or not to take the pledge..
When I was giving that talk I looked down at all the young beautiful fresh faces and thought of me when I was there age, How I took the same pledge and I swore to myself point blank with my childhood bestie Bruce (false name) I would never, ever take drugs and god I really and truly meant every word at that time, but that was the road I went down…
So when you think that this would never happen to you or someone you know I thought the same!!!
Drugs robbed me of everything,
My self worth,
The list could go on but anything that made me honourable as a human it took all of it!!!
Saying all of this would you believe I am not completely anti Drink or Drugs, as such..
I think great for you if you can socially have a few drinks or use drugs recreationally but,
The question I have is this…
Are you willing to take the chance I took to find that out??
I risked my life and my mental health to find out I was a slave to it and just about made it out alive…
I really do consider myself one of the “ lucky ones”
I was living in hell on earth and just about made it out and I still consider myself lucky?
Well I am,
Simply because I know so many who haven’t made it out alive,
So many who still suffer or who are in prison or mental institutions…
So to all of those beautiful tortured souls that never made it, or are struggling to make it..
Ive got you and I love you … 💕✨
I see the person in pain who self medicates not the Addict\Junkie..
I pray that you seek help and find peace, not everyday is easy in fact some days can be really hard but I promise you every day sober is worth it…
Thanks for reading ,
Again if you or anyone you know have any problems or concerns of anything I’ve spoke about I’ll link some more services below, that you can speak with professionals…